As horrible as it sounds, I did learn a few important things that day.
It's totally good to challenge yourself and try not to escape every situation when you start feeling a little anxious, but everybody knows their limits. If you know deep down that the only way to calm yourself down is to get out of the situation and take a timeout, then that's what you gotta do. It's not the end of the world. You're not a bad person. You aren't weak. You're the opposite, you're strong because you are taking control of the situation despite the feelings that you know will follow. It's okay to know your boundaries.
Don't let anyone tell you who or what you are. While I was in the midst of my panic attack, I bumped into one of the year heads at my school. When I feel anxious I start feeling incredibly claustrophobic, and so I usually end up taking my tie off and unbuttoning my collar. Every other teacher I know is okay with this, along as I sort my uniform out when I'm feeling calmer. However, on this day, this teacher stopped me and demanded that I put my tie on. I was trying to explain, but they just wouldn't listen, and when I tried explaining that I suffer from anxiety and I'm prone to these panic attacks, I was told that I was "being silly", "overreacting", "making a big deal out of nothing" and that I "should just pull myself together and get back to class". I was absolutely furious. This wasn't the first time either and when I feel anxious, those are exactly the thoughts that go through my head. This teacher was just adding fuel to the fire. After I'd gotten over the anger and upset, I came to the realisation that I shouldn't worry about what the minority of people think. I am surrounded by so many more people who know what I have to deal with, and they accept me for it. Don't let the critical few get you down, no matter how much their words hurt.
When I finally realised that the negative people's words are not what matter, I found it easier to turn my day around. I managed to go back to my fifth period class before lunch, and to my last two classes of the day after lunch. I smiled and laughed, and had a fairly productive afternoon. All it took was a bout of self-confidence. No matter how bad the day is, there's always time to turn it into a good one.
Finally, I learned that a good support system is essential. I can get so annoyed at my friends and family when I'm feeling stressed, and when they try to help, I sometimes lash out and isolate myself from them. However, without the support and kind words of my mum, stepdad, and friends (Clare, Shanice, Rachel, Lisa and Greg in particular on this day), I probably would have found it significantly harder to pick myself up and brush myself off. Don't push away people who care about you/are concerned for you.
Sorry that this was a bit of a rant, but it's real life! Thank you for reading, and I'll be back soon. Sending positive vibes! X
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